I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
