Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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