Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
