there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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