I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
