im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
