Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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