I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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