Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
