i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
