It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
