hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
