At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
