Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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