She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
