I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
