He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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