i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
