just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
