No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dignity is for republicans.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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