I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
