Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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