my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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