Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
