why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
