i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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