At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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