dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
