who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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