dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
