hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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