So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
