This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
