Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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