my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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