I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think my fart just growled at me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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