I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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