Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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