i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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