We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
