"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
