I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
