He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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