My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
