I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
