It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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