I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
