Hey man sorry I got all grabby
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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