I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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