she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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