I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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