i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
